Among all horror film franchises there is no antagonist (or protagonist, depending on your perspective) that has sprung back into action as often as Friday the 13th’s Jason Voorhees. Excluding the remake and team-up (with Freddy Krueger) movie there are a total of ten Friday the 13th releases. Jason is supposedly mortally injured at least once in each, and yet he keeps coming back. How, you ask? There is only one explanation; Jason clearly participates in regular physiotherapy. Our expert team has arrived at this definitive conclusion by carefully analyzing the first eight films (9 and 10 are too far fetched). Keep reading…if you dare.
How Physiotherapy is the Only Logical Explanation for Jason Voorhees’ Return from Mortal Injury in Every Friday the 13th Film
Friday 13th Part I
Technically, Jason’s mamma was the summer camp killer in the first edition of the franchise. But when she died at the movie’s conclusion, she stayed dead. Jason, on the other hand, who was presumed deceased due to camp counselor neglect years prior, survived a drowning. This was made evident by his shocking appearance at the end of the film as he lunges out of the lake to pull in the hapless sole survivor with strength and speed that indicates that he was an expert in the water. Even in adolescence he clearly understood the importance of physiotherapy for swimming.
Friday 13th Part II
Jason working his rotator cuff prior to being attacked
Jason is a full grown man in Part II. At the end of the movie, heroine Ginny saves her new beaux Paul by hacking Jason’s left shoulder with his very own machete, sending him to the cabin floor to his supposed demise. However, before the credits role viewers find Jason moving and clearly alive, setting up the third film to come. If Jason hadn’t been in regular physiotherapy for a rotator cuff tear in the past, he clearly could not have recovered from this blow to the shoulder.
Friday 13th Part III
This is the film in which Jason finally gets his iconic hockey mask. However, just before Chris tries to ruin the aesthetic with a machete hack, she hangs Jason from a barn door. Jason was left hanging for quite some time which would have been the end of any other man. However, it becomes evident that he has strengthened his neck and spine with regular chiropractic work including Y-strap adjustments to the point that a rope and gravity are no match.
Friday 13th Part IV: The Final Chapter
Part IV is where things really take a turn for the worse for Jason Voorhees. Having to deal with Corey Feldman would have been bad enough, but when Feldman’s character Tommy Jarvis delivers a machete to the side of Jason’s skull in the finale of the film we all winced in sympathy and pain. If it weren’t for Jason having access to physiotherapy-guided concussion treatment (he is in a high risk for profession for concussion) there is no way he could have bounced back.
Friday 13th Part V: A New Beginning
Part V was universally panned as being the worst of the franchise because of the fact that Jason was not actually in the movie. Instead, the killer was Roy Burns, a paramedic taking revenge for the death of a family member that was caused by Jason. Roy is eventually dispatched by the film’s protagonist (a grownup Tommy Jarvis) and that’s the end of Roy. This may very well be the biggest proof that regular physiotherapy was critical to the real Jason Voorhees’ perpetual survival. You see, there have been zero reports of Roy Burns ever seeing a physiotherapist. That is why he (Roy) does not survive, whereas Jason remains primed for yet another comeback in films to follow.
Friday 13th Part VI: Jason Lives
Friday 13th Part VII: The New Blood
At the start of Part VII, Jason begins this film drowned and chained to the bottom of Crystal Lake (as per the end of Part VI). He is brought back to life, supposedly (and inadvertently) thanks to the telekinetic powers of a new character, Tina Shephard. However, despite of telekinetic powers being given the credit, it’s clear to us that the mental power that provided Jason with the mindset required to return again was solely attributed to his full-service physio clinic’s clinical counselor.
Friday 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan
At the end of Part VII, Jason is once again relegated to the bottom of the lake. At the start of Friday the 13th Part VIII the audience sees Jason return from the watery grave thanks to the spark of an underwater electrical cable. However, this returns us to what revived Jason back in Part VI. He was either still wearing his physio-provided TENS gear or interferential current (IFC) attachment. It’s also what gave him the energy to make his way to Manhattan, case closed.
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